Bitter, Or Sweet?

They say be careful what you wish for. I know what they mean now.

The shock, the memories, the nameless feeling of something lost, the (yet again) sleepless nights of seeing your ex so unexpectedly is not exactly a pleasant encounter.

I left the house early one Saturday for the flea market in search of a present made of jade. It’s a place I usually don’t go anymore for: 1) the distance is great; 2) there is a danger of running into a person with whom I can find no purpose of meeting. Nevertheless, it’s the only place I could think of where the vendors won’t ask an arm and a leg for something came from the earth. I would visit there once or twice a year and, so far I have been fortunate not running into him.

It was early. Some vendors were still setting up their stands. I passed the first slot where the merchandise was displayed on the ground, and the vendor was talking to a prospective customer. I stopped at the second slot and glanced back at the customer, and said to myself, “Oh no.” He gained weight, for which I was happy to see, but otherwise still looked like the person I once knew.

Should I say hi or should I hide? I didn’t know what to do. I pretended to be browsing and crossed his view point a couple of times. He didn’t recognize me. He then went to a stand and stood by a woman who was selling some wooden jewelry. Girlfriend? He sat down at the back of a van that was parked behind the stand. I went up and touched the wooden earrings on her stand. He looked at me through the jewelries, but showed no sign of recognition. Should I take my sunglasses off and let him see my face, and joke “So, you are selling now?”

I moved on to other vendors and purchased a couple of "can't live without" items. When I was done I once again decided to go up and just say hi. What’s the big deal? We can be polite for a few minutes, and we’ll part ways. Just when I was about to walk up to him I saw the ring on his left hand. It’s not his girlfriend – it’s his wife! I turned and left the market.

He had a very well paying job, so I know they don't have to do this. Maybe she’s doing this for fun and he is there to be supportive. Maybe he lost his job and they have to do this for a living. I don't want to embarrass him in front of his wife – so I told myself. But are there any other reasons?

For a year or so that we had been together, I had the feeling that he was divorced on paper only. His ex-wife will always have control of his thoughts, actions and his affections. The fact that he was never able to verbally express how he felt for me was, to me, evidence strong enough. The yellow gold ring made me wonder if he had married his ex-wife again, for white gold is much more in fashion nowadays.

I guess it didn’t matter. Regardless who she is, I just got the confirmation that he never felt strong enough for me. I didn’t need to face him to reaffirm the reason why our relationship was not what I wanted. I already knew. I should’ve known and had the good sense to run away from him when he told me he thought I was fat -- judging from the picture I sent him. Now both the bulge and the joke are on him. That’s the only thing of which I could be happy.

The next day I received a one-ring phone call. I didn’t answer, and it didn’t ring again.