Escape

I know this place. I live here, but I have never seen it before. I just know.

I walk into the bedroom. There are clothes everywhere. An open suitcase is sitting on the floor, half full. A sea of panic sweeps through me like a tidal wave: there isn’t time. I must go now. What do I do with the clothes? And all the other things I have?

I can only take one suitcase with me. I must leave them here and go now.

Are they watching me? I must go around the house. The kids. Where are the kids? Did they hide my kids? I can’t leave without them, and they know it.

Shhh…we have to walk quietly, or they will hear us. Quickly - we have to go before they find out.

Did we take the bus to the border? I can’t remember, even though it’s a three-day bus/car trip. We must have, right? It must have been too difficult a trip to remember: with kids, luggage, hotels, traveling in a country where I don’t speak the language, and all other details I had to deal with. I can’t think about it. It’s too much.

What about the border security? Did we pretend to be tourists? Did we get caught? Somehow we fooled them and passed the border, didn’t we? We are alright now. We are all together.

It doesn’t matter how we got here. We arrive at the airport now.

The airport is packed. Andy, where is your passport? Amy, follow me - don’t get lost. Watch out for the luggage, Andy. Where is my passport? I dig into my purse, but I can’t find it. Did I forget the passport at home? My heart is pounding louder and faster. I forgot my passport. What do I do? No, I can’t go back. They are going to keep my babies.

Please. I have to catch this plane. Please let us go before they catch us and take us home. Please…

Somehow we get through. The plane is leaving, they said, you’d better hurry. We run as fast as we could, dragging the luggage behind us. Hurry, Andy. We can’t miss the flight. Faster, Amy.

It’s too late. The plane had pulled away from the terminal and is dashing down the taxiway. It’s too late to catch it. We’ll never leave here.

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I wake up, heart pounding and forehead clammy.

It has been more than twenty years, and the dream will not stop. I am forever trapped in the house in another country, can’t find a way out.

It all started when they asked me, “Why don’t you leave your son here and go back by yourself?”

I regret the moment I agreed to make the long journey to visit my in-laws. I’m paying the price repeatedly - in the form of the never ending nightmare.