Saturday, October 17, 2009

Long Drive Home




I barely started my first job a month ago. It was new and exciting. I was officially "man of the house" and bringing home the bacon. We had a very orderly life. We got up early and headed to our separate destinations - the kids to school together, I to the office. When I got home in the afternoon they would have finished their homework. We would have simple dinner before getting ready for bed. Life was plain and calm, but that was about to change.

I pulled out from the company's parking lot one afternoon and merged into the traffic. I stopped at the light behind some cars and thought to myself what I could make for dinner that night. All of a sudden the car started to rock as if it were a boat on choppy water - very choppy water. I was trying to hold on while wondering if I should get out of the car - not that I could. It just felt dangerous to stay in a car that was acting crazy. All I could do was holding on the steering wheel as if I were riding the mechanical bull.

It felt like forever before it was finally over. All the traffic lights were dead. Cars stayed on the road, and nobody moved. Two cars ahead of me the female driver got out of her car, and ran to the car behind her. She cried, "Oh my God! What was that?!" At this time it gradually dawned on me: we just had a major earthquake.

The normally twenty-minute drive home took me an hour and half. Every intersection was stop-and-go, one car at a time. The speed was reduced to that of a snail. I gripped the steering wheel with my white-knuckled fingers, and bit my lips to fight back tears. The kids - are they all right? They are home alone. Are they hurt? Is the house still there? Are they being buried in the rubbles? I forced myself not to imagine the worst. The houses along the road were still standing. I had some hope. There were no fires as far as I could see. The kids could be just fine.

I got home at last and everything seemed "normal." I looked at the kids and I had a strange feeling of having been away for a month. They looked the same, and yet different. The kids told me how they hid under the dining table and finished their homework there - thinking there might be another one coming. A plant was toppled over and left some dirt on the carpet. Everything was fine. We were safe.

Until this day I couldn't remember what I did for the rest of the evening. It was completely blank. The only thing I remember was crying silently in the office the next day. I couldn't work at all. The boss finally told us to go home. It was futile to tell anyone to concentrate on work. I don't remember what I did after going home either. Somehow my memories in those time periods were completely erased.

I grew up in an earthquake country. Hurricanes and earthquakes were common events. Nobody showed any emotions toward them. It was life - deal with it. My reaction to earthquakes used to be exactly like that of the kids - that was frightening and fun! Now back to homework.

My life and my feelings for earthquakes are completely different now. I used to be strong. I could deal with disasters with no problems. The long drive home that afternoon twenty years ago changed me forever.

22 comments:

  1. These natural disasters seems to be the biggest joke of God. That makes me think at times that God really is a bit of a weirdo.

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  2. Sarah,
    you are a great one, and my hope is that absolutely no disasters come your way.
    BIG BIG HUGS

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  3. It's amazing how within one event some details can be so vivid in our minds and others somehow completely erase. Well-written, as always... :-)

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  4. sambhu - god does have a way of showing his strength, doesn't he?

    bob - thanks for the wellwishing. that would be my hope too. i don't know how i will handle it today.

    charlene - i guess i had psd, just didn't realize it. :)

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  5. Sounds incredibly traumatic. Don't know how I'd react to an earthquake.

    Hurricanes are another story...

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  6. hunter - a guy had just moved to the bay area when this happened and, in total panic, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. i felt so bad when i heard that. i'm not sure how i would 'handle' it today, since i'm not the oblivious person i once was.

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  7. I can't imagine living in an earthquake zone. Kudos to you for your bravery & strength!

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  8. lana - thanks for stopping by. sometimes i do think about moving, but l like this area...:(

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  9. Dear Sarah there is a LOVELY BLOG AWARD for you on my latest post


    XX Lorenza

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  10. Sounds like the potential reality of the earthquake hit you the next day at work. What an experience! So glad you were ok and that your kids didn't experience it....Take care.

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  11. My daughter just moved to Southern California. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that "something wicked" doesn't come her way. By the way, this is my first time visiting your site and your posts are very well-written.

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  12. sandra - you are right. i had a mild pts(?) the next day and disasters look different to me now.

    nothing - thanks for stopping by and the comment. young people don't think about it. it's always harder on parents.

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  13. I understand how it feels to have your memory erased by fear or trauma. Nicely written; your emotions came across clearly.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  14. I was only a kid when I experienced my first earthquake. There are not a lot of quakes where I am right now but we have typhoons instead.

    I'm just glad no one got hurt. My aunt also taught me about hiding under the table.

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  15. victoria - just read your blog and i don't think i should complain about anything anymore. best of luck with your illness.

    peenkfrik - i don't like either one. i think they're god's cruelest jokes. good luck to you and your country.

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  16. Sarah, just stopped by for a min.
    HUGS

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  17. I don't know how I managed it but I have been home through every major earthquake I've gone through. That is one of my truest fears to not be home.

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  18. bob - you changed your picture!

    mike - i guess you were lucky? i wished i was home when that happened. the long drive drove me crazy!

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  19. Yep, this IS traumatic. I'm not good in a crisis.
    Anyway, can't believe this is the first time I've dropped by here - I've seen you cited on so many other blogs.
    plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

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  20. fish - i can't believe i missed this comment! thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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